Thursday, May 14, 2015

Enough?

This concept or thought of "Am I doing enough?" has always been a part of my psyche.  Whether it came to work, or my personal relationships, family, or whatever, I always wonder if I could be doing more.

 When I was teaching and only had a handful of students, sometimes I would hear stories from their homes and wish I could do more.  Wish I could just adopt some, or find more ways to show them how valued they are.

But as a Lead Learner now, I hear even more stories.  I see even more pain.  Things that rip your heart to shreds.

Abuse, neglect, emotional scars, self-abuse, bullying, all kinds of things.  If you've been in education for any amount of time you've seen it too.

My current position also allows me to hear more stories from the team I'm on....the adults.

It also has allowed me to become part of many more stories than I had been in the past.

And the last two weeks I've run into one heartbreaking story after another.  And I've driven home each day thinking "can I do more?  Am I doing enough?"

I care about those kids so passionately.  I always have.  It's a part of me, I've always been proud of.

After seeking council from a few other friends of mine from across the country who I respect immensely, I came to a conclusion.

Despite what I want, I'm not meant to save every kid.

Now, don't misread that.  I am sure as heck gonna TRY to save every kid.  But the truth of the matter is, some will not be reached by me.  I may plant the seed, but it may not grow until years later though.

But, as long as I am contacting the right organizations and at the same time building a campus where those kids are safe and loved, sometimes that's the best I can do.

I will never be that person who gives up on anyone; child or adult.  I will use everything in my arsenal and find others who can help as well.  But I'm also having to really come to grips that sometimes despite my best efforts, I won't be able to fix it all.

And I have to find a way to be ok with that.  I have to just continue to give everything I have and continue to create a space filled with safety, love, encouragement, warm hugs, big smiles, high-fives, quiet times, listening ears, tissues for tears, laughter, fun, and more.  Because sometimes that IS enough.